Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
