I bet he comes in French.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
