I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
