I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
