he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
