Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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