This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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