4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
