Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
