There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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