You smell like stripper and shame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
