Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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