I heard we made out
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
