Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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