So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
