i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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