Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
