bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
