There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
