I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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