i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
