I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
