she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
