She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
