Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ruined the universe
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
