I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
