So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
