I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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