the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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