Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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