Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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