You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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