So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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