It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
