Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
