I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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