Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In America we eat man semen.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have post one night stand depression
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
