You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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