there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
