so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
