so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
