Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
