At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
