if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
