Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
