Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
