I feel great
I just peed on a car
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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