The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
