im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
