i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
