I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
