if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
