i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
