i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
