i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
