my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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