My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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