If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love you. Go after that dick
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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