____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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