There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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