Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
