He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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