Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
