the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
