also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
