i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
third nipple confirmed
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
