that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
