yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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