Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
