Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
