ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
