I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
