We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
