and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
