God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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