fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
