She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
